This blog is long overdue. I’ve been meaning to write it for weeks now, but my goodness my life is busy!
After my last blog entry, I went through a perilous time of doubt, fear, & worry to the point of being physically sick. I just read in Pastor Cho’s book about how our spirit supersedes our body & that when our spirit is suffering, our physical bodies become ill. How very true that is!
I was lying in bed a few days after that exhausting clinic visit, still unable to sleep for lack of peace. In the days prior, I had been meditating on healing scriptures & speaking them aloud. I knew that I had to get that Word rooted again in my mind & heart because of the looming doubt that I couldn’t seem to grip. I knew that the Word would renew my mind & give me the ability to take hold of those feelings & cast them away. Now I was in bed & I began to pray. I approached God boldly with His promises to me, His promise to heal my daughter if our faith was unwavered & His promise to give me His peace. As I was praying, God gave me the most amazing revelation! Upon my heart He impressed this…
“I have given you everything you need to be victorious in this season! My timing is perfect! Think about it… examine the events over the past few years as a whole & connect them to this trial… because I already knew this was going to happen & I prepared you, I paved the way for you to remain in faith. First, I sent the Holy Spirit to draw you in to my Kingdom during the most inconvenient time for your family (Cale was only 2 weeks old when we decided to get up & go to church one Sunday after not even “church hunting” for over a year). Not only did you give your lives to My Son, but I placed you in a church that taught you everything you needed to know for this trial… they taught you the full Gospel, they taught you about healing & how to receive it through faith, they taught you how to build a beautiful marriage that possess strengths that can endure anything, they taught you the power of confession & the power of your words, they taught you to speak life, & they taught the entire congregation what church really is & how to fight our battles together… locked shields, side-by-side. Reflect for a moment on your transformation & how all of it was built around this day, each thing I place on your heart, each message that changed your life… it was all to prepare you for this trial… to show you how to stand on My Word & promises. To tell the world of My glory! Your daughter will do great things in My name. Victory, redemption, healing… is HERS.”
I couldn’t believe I had not thought of this before during the past 5 months. It seemed so obvious. I was asking Him for what He had already given me. & once I reflected & put everything together, I was once again, in absolute amazement over My God. His timing really is perfect. He opened our hearts at just the right times for exactly what He needed us to hear & know. He sent the Holy Spirit with such a force to draw us in at exactly the right time! He gave us piece by piece, His Word in the exact order we needed to know it. Piece by piece, He built our hearts with everything we needed to stand in faith during this time… & not only to stand so firmly, but to look beyond ourselves & focus on blessing others.
This whole event may have been the devils attempt to knock us off of our feet, but once again, God turned it around for His good. I realized that my faith was starting to shift from God, to doctors & medicine. Up to this point, the team has been so positive & so confident… & I was so confident in them… clinging to their every word on how Keely is doing. Suddenly they were standing in front of us saying, “we don’t know!”… “we don’t know if this particular chemo will keep her from relapsing”… “we don’t know what part of the cocktail works for which kids”… “we don’t know what her future holds”…. “there’s just so much we still DON’T KNOW”. It was a God check for me. They are humans just like you & I… they aren’t her final healer, but to a degree I was holding them to that standard. It was as if God brought me back to ground zero, to that first day that I really settled it in my mind that Jesus already died for her healing. When I put it ALL, her life on Him & said, “God You promised & You don’t lie, so here she is… she’s all yours! I’m taking her healing off of the doctors shoulders & giving it over to You.”
Finally, for the first night in over a week, I slept. & I woke up refreshed with God’s peace.
* Isaiah 53:5 -“But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed.”
* John 14:27 – “Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
& p.s. – Keely is doing fabulous since taking her off of the Erwinia. She is back to her old, cheerful self & is such a blessing. I am truly honored to be her mother!
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