Hometown tragedy. The absent perspective.

15 Jan

My home town has been shaken over the last couple of days. A 16 year old boy & his 15 year old girlfriend committed suicide 2 days ago (you can read the story here). I was shaken when I heard the news also, but I’m sorry to say, not shocked. As I began to process the info, I took a little emotional trip back in time… To when I was 15 living in that same town. I too, was in a serious relationship (along with every single one of my girlfriends). It’s been a long time since I revisited that tumultuous time in my life. & as I made that trip in time, I got a major revelation….

I’ve read blogs & opinions on the root of this tragedy, but the real insight seems to be absent. You see, it’s not “this generation”, or the accessibility to the gun to blame. No one is to blame. The root… is the relationship to begin with.

I can’t even believe how much different my grown up marriage compares to my only other committed & long term relationships (which were both in high school)! Why?… I would say that it has everything to do with maturity.

Without going into too much of my own personal events in life, I would like to share that my high school relationship looked the same as everyone else’s around me… a roller coaster of arguments, immature dealings with feelings, cheating, & even some physical abuse.

I realized a long time ago as I meditated on the future I hope for my daughter, that that is one of the main things I want to help her to avoid. Seems like a petty thing to worry about given all of the serious things teens can get into…. & here I am asking God “how do I help her to pursue herself & her passions… To focus on building a foundation of exactly who she is before she becomes joined to anyone else?”.

I’m sure most parents see little to nothing wrong with their young teen being in a committed relationship, but what if you’re eyes were opened to a whole different perspective?

Here is my story:

By the age of 14 I found myself completely enveloped in a relationship with someone that was my everything! It took little to no time for me to attach my identity to “us”. When that relationship fell apart (because, hello!, I was 15 & he was 16), I was shattered. I tried to commit suicide twice & my parents had me sent to a psych ward for a week (I’ve never shared that with anyone! So obviously this whole thing really hit home for me).

Once I was able to move on from that (to some degree), I soon found myself in long term relationship #2 at 16. This was no better. Except this time my heart was a little more hardened & my temper a little more developed. Bad combo. Over the next few years, my whole life revolved around this turbulent relationship. Often times even skipping school to resolve arguments & such. I want to point out again that I’m not speaking from just my experience. I watched almost everyone of my friends operate the same way.

Why do we have such a laid back opinion on letting our teenage kids (full of ungoverned emotions & no life experience) navigate something that we know entails such murky waters? I don’t want that for my children! They have a lifetime to navigate the serious issues & difficulties of making a committed relationship a healthy one. There are adults who have yet to figure this out.

My point is that when I heard this news & read the story, I realized that could’ve been me 15 years ago. Except now I know my future, so I look back & think “how sad that during that time, my future never crossed my mind & I couldn’t see past that moment, that relationship.” There is an explanation for that, however, & it is not that I am some pathetic girl. It’s that the part of my brain that determines long term consequences & really looks into the future wasn’t even fully developed yet. & neither is it in the other 15 year olds walking the planet.

I’m thankful to say that all of those girlfriends I spoke of that shared these long term, unhealthy high school relationships with me, are all in healthy, happy marriages today…. none of which involve those same relationships. So how can we explain how a group of people involved in such unhealthy relationships moved on to develop healthy ones? Maturity. It’s a necessity for healthy relationships. & it’s something very few 15 & 16 year olds have. So what seems harmless can actually be devastating hurt, major distractions, & can play a part in derailing a future. I know it is not always that extreme, but it almost was for me…. & it definitely was for these 2 beautiful kids.

Tonight I’m praying for the teenagers out there…. the same prayer I pray over my own children: that you would pursue you… you’ve yet to discover yourself…. what drives you? what’s your passion? where do you fit into life? what makes you, you! Establish that solid foundation before you hitch your star to another person yet to know their own self. Because 2 incompletes merged together makes unstable ground! I pray that you would begin to envision your future & the road you need to take to get there & stay pressing toward that vision… developing yourself as a person with a purpose. Enjoy your youth. Laugh. Act silly. Make memories. Don’t make life so serious…. there’s a lifetime of serious waiting for you.

May you rest in the arms of real Love, Malia & Spencer. & I pray that your story will be a testimony to parents & teens all over!

Advertisements

37 Responses to “Hometown tragedy. The absent perspective.”

  1. Scott Jennings January 15, 2014 at 12:40 pm #

    Great point. Our teenage son chose not to date in high school after reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1590521358

    There were challenges associated with taking that route as well (teasing and loneliness mostly) but our son knows who he is (as much as an 18 year old can) and that God has someone for him that’s worth waiting for.

    I’d encourage any parent to check out the book and talk with their child.

  2. joseph January 15, 2014 at 1:14 pm #

    yes it is very thought provoking…is this about her own short comings, her own regrets, her own mistakes…. but the undertone and the hidden message her is placing the blame on the parents. I also know these parents and I am positive they would trade places with both them. I am not saying this is bad advice or information “BUT” THIS IS VERY POORLY TIMED AND I FIND TO BE VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO THE GRIEVING FAMILY. I note her reflections on her own life and current; as well as, the grief which this tragedy may bring back un-wanting memories within her own life. However be that as it may, I am a very close friend of the family and with the family the whole time during this sad time…I know the social media is being posted and it is running all over with this story… It would be greatly appreciated if everyone would stop and think for a moment about the families privacy for a bit…. and remember there is two siblings also. the story may or may not be completely factual because just as this story has said… the investigation continues…there are many unanswered questions and until these questions are answered by the proper authorities I am RESPECTFULLY REQUESTING FOR THE SAKE OF THE FAMILY AND THE SIBLINGS for people to stop making comments about this or that, why or why not, how, who what when and where…. but instead if you are to make a post let that post be about the great things we remember about these two young innocent lives, let it be uplifting to the families in their hour of need, let it be for GOD’S healing hand to wrap around these families and to protect them from all the rumors, gossip and implications of truths and untruths. I say this as a parent that has lost a child, as many of you know, Avery past away 9 yrs ago. I am so grateful for all the comments made as described above to us. It was those types of comments that helped us to get through that time. It is those types of comments which this family needs… not all the guessing or speculations. LET US GIVE LIFE BY SHOWING THE LOVE OF CHRIST TO THIS FAMILY. THIS IS MY PRAYER OH GOD IN THE HIGHEST. LET YOUR WORD BE HEARD AND LET IT BE WHERE TWO OR MORE ARE GATHERED IN YOUR NAME SAKE FOR THIS FAMILY BE THE LIVING WATERS FOR THIS FAMILY. I PRAY THIS IN YOUR NAME, JESUS CHRIST AMEN.

    • vanessathompson January 15, 2014 at 5:27 pm #

      Joseph, I mean no disrespect. I do not know these families, so focusing on what I remember about their lives is impossible. & while I certainly respect all grieving parties (I almost lost my only daughter to cancer, so I know of that respect and disrespect in terms of opinions), I have said nothing to disrespect anyone involved. If parents & teenagers have taken something serious away from this situation & this blog, then these kids have done something amazing in death… they have let their testimony be an insight to some that may have never looked at it in this way. & this incident just happened in Henderson not too long (with almost the exact story). This is not a personal attack on these particular kids. The point is that it could have been many 15 & 16 year olds. With all of the horrible opinions I’ve seen posted, I’m disturb to see that this unbiased opinion based on my own experiences to be the one you attack. We can have prayer & revelation all together without disrespect. & this is certainly not an attempt to blame the parents! It was only an attempt to bring awareness to these things for other parents. I would hope that in the end, the parents of these children would want their testimony to speak to all teenagers & parents navigating these murky waters of teenage love.

      • Debbie Minshew January 16, 2014 at 1:19 am #

        I agree with you! The maturity of all children at this age is one of innocence. Most do not know how to handle a relationship. There is no fault or blame. Children do need guidance. They need to enjoy their life without to many pressures. I pray God’s love and grace for the families.

    • Susan January 15, 2014 at 6:10 pm #

      She isn’t blaming the parents she is stating what all of wished we knew in high school about relationships. True nobody knows what happened and probably never will. But to the people on the outside who have seen her post on Facebook and his. It appears that they were consumed by each other constantly. As someone so young priorities should have been placed in other areas of their lives and not so much towards each other. The author is simply trying to remind parents to teach this to their children. At 14,15, and 16 you are not mentally able to handle a relationship that is so consuming-most adults can’t handle that. Your not mature enough to know who you are and what you are before identifying yourself with someone else. I knew a lot of teenage girls/boys who did that. You could actually see your friend change personalities in a matter of days, therefor, giving up who they are to be liked more by their boyfriend/girlfriend. How many people went to school with couples who acted like they were married and were only 13-16 years old? Is that really healthy? How many people who fought or broke up with their boyfriend/girlfriend they felt like their life was over, and now don’t even remember much about the relationship? How many teenagers had a sex life like a married couple but now wish they had saved themselves for the one that loves them now. The one they argue with and love. The one who will never leave them. The community is using this senseless tragedy to learn from and teach their kids. It’s not a shot at the parents. It’s what all parents think but let go because they want their kids to be popular, to be a cute couple. I’ll bet all of us thought it was cute when our little one came home at 5 and said ” ” was their girlfriend/boyfriend. We don’t teach them that’s not important and they will have plenty of time for that later. We teach them it’s cute and later if we really like the boyfriend/girlfriends family we are less on rules and more I hope they stay together which only emphasizes that if they break up its the end of the world. It’s just ridiculous 20 years ago you better not have even had a boyfriend/girlfriend until 16 and then your time with them was limited. You weren’t consumed. You talked on the phone for a an hour or two a day. You weren’t in constant connection through text and computers. And even then these things happend. It’s not the parents fault it’s society’s fault. Society has relaxed the rules so much. My 9 year old thinks she needs a iPhone. What is this world coming to?

      • vanessathompson January 15, 2014 at 6:34 pm #

        Susan, I think you spoke better than I did on this! You said a lot that I left out.

      • Susan January 15, 2014 at 9:09 pm #

        I graduated from rosewood too. Rosewood is and was a place where the outside appearance is what “matters most ” rosewood was a hard place to go to school if you weren’t part of the social clique you were an outkast. I was apart of that inner group of the social standard. But even that itself was stressful. If you didn’t have this and that or play the best in your sport while carrying an A average all at the same time you balanced your relationship and battled yourself on the inside of your relationship and being a different prrson completley at youth group which we attended 2 a week. It all seemed so fake. You were judged at every turn and every choice. The teenagers that are there now are being raised by the people I went to school with and their children are exactly the same! Teach your children to be better than you were end the cycle. It starts at home. Take them to church, be involved in there lives, they don’t need cell phones ( we never did). They don’t need to constantly be connected. In the summer before we could drive my friends and I actually wrote letters through the mail! Imagine that? I know these kids today couldn’t feel out an envelope! So sad! What’s even sadder is these friends picked on you because of the things you did but you weren’t mature enough until later to realize they weren’t perfect either.

      • Debbie Minshew January 16, 2014 at 1:25 am #

        Truth speaks! Parents we can & should say no.

    • MI January 16, 2014 at 12:00 am #

      Joseph, I am saddened that you read this blog and misunderstood the wealth of wisdom and it’s intended direction. While I understand fully the impact of social media and it’s tendency to run rampant with awful, hurtful untruths and lack of regard for individuals and privacy, this particular blog was none of those things. Regardless of the stories/events circulating about these recent teens in the community and media, this is a topic that needs to be addressed. I appreciate the insight this author, through her blog and personal experience, has been able to share with teens and parents of teens, even down to parents of toddlers; because God willing they will eventually be parents of teenagers. I read the blog several times because I found it to be just that interesting and insightful. This blog is one I can agree with 100% and I appreciate how eloquently the author was able to parlay her personal experience into this blog to be further shared with others. As a mother of two young daughters myself, I will be discussing these very same issues with them when the time comes. One thing I have learned about children is they have no real concept of time. Time doesn’t move for them in the same way as it does for adults. When a young child is dropped off at daycare or school, the young child has no concept that their parents will be back in so many hours to retrieve them. School aged children learn about hours and that there are so many hours in a school day, yet that day seems to last forever for them as they describe it. Teenagers are no different, they expand on their school hours to include weekends maybe even summers being off from school. Time is a concept they have yet to grasp which has everything to do with maturity. I encourage parents and children, especially teens to talk about the future and to describe how they see their own particular futures. I don’t remember ever talking about a future when I was a teenager, so when I graduated high school I had no plan. I started college but had no real direction. I want to believe this was because I had a serious boyfriend my senior year of high school and when we too parted ways, I felt all those horrible emotions because I just knew he was the one and there would never be anyone else. Just maybe if I had of focused more on my future I wouldn’t have wasted so much time sulking about my teenage heartbreak. Maturity is a beautiful and natural thing that can only be achieved through time.

      Thank you Vanessa for writing with such wisdom!

  3. Kaye January 15, 2014 at 2:23 pm #

    Thank you for sharing your story … I feel the same way and say the same prayers for my daughters.

  4. Ashley Sue January 15, 2014 at 3:39 pm #

    I was in a relationship that consumed my very identity when I was 14-16 as well – my first love. And he was an angel. An amazing man. He broke up with me shortly before we turned 16 – why? Not to see another girl. He didn’t until he was a senior in high school. He did it because he wanted us to grow up, to experience sports, and friends, and not to be wrapped up in “us”. I was so, so heartbroken, but understood how he was right – though I hated that. I felt suicidal for months. Heart broken, and over a GOOD relationship. My next two boyfriends, both being long term ones, where not nearly so good and mature.

    Skip to now. Now I’m 34… and married to that first love. He IS an angel, and continues to surprise me with how mature and amazing he is.

    But we are better now because of that break.

    And now, like you, I think about our daughter, and what we want for her… and the EXACT same thing… of all things, we pray that she does NOT become an “us” in those years. We hope she becomes HER and that her identity evolves so she can enjoy those years, instead of building baggage, and for that, she will surely have a better relationship when she does. ❤

  5. Joanna P. January 15, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

    There was nothing disrespectful in this post– thank you for sharing…as a parent of a pre-teen, I needed to hear it.

  6. Brian January 15, 2014 at 6:05 pm #

    Thank you for your perspective on this. We are very grieved by this event. I can’t imagine the pain. The main thing I would add is to encourage teens to pursue Christ above anything else. They will be left unsatisfied and self consumed if they simply pursue themselves. It is not wise for use parents to accept what many consider “nomal dating” in these early teen years. Dating as we know it today was not the norm 100 years ago and we might do well to learn from those times. I too dated much as a teen and I have nothing to take from those years except for a wake of being hurt and hurting others.Things are not the same as 100 years ago. We live in such a safety-centric, comfort first culture that kids aren’t as ready for the hardships of life as they were back then. Encourage kids to hang out with groups of godly young people while avoiding giving in to attractions thinking they’ve found “the one.” Its also good to encourage them to do things with older adults and seniors so that they aren’t tempted to segregate themselves into strictly youth age groups. I don’t know the circumstances surrounding this terrible tragedy. But hopefully this will cause parents to take a step back and reexamine what we allow for our young teens. Bottom line is, very few kids will marry those people they date so seriously in the teen years, so we should guide them away from what the culture deems normal into healthier ways to spend their teen years and pursue their future. Meanwhile, let’s pray for these families in a very dark and difficult time.

  7. WENDY January 15, 2014 at 6:32 pm #

    I TO AGREE IT WAS A GREAT POST YOU REACHED OUT WITH YOUR STORY FOR AWARENESS OF A PROBLEM WITH TEENAGERS ….BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND THE FAMILIES NEEDING TO BE RESPECTED MY HEART HURTS FOR THERE FAMILIES AS A PEARSON AND A MOTHER MY PRAYERS ARE FOR THE PEACE OF GOD FOR THEM WE WILL NEVER KNOW THE WHY BUT WE KNOW OF GODS LOVE HE WILL SEE THE FAMILIES THROUGH IF ONE TEENAGER READS THIS AND SEEKS HELP THEN THATS GREAT BE THE ONE A TROUBLED TEEN CAN COME TO BUT YES EVERYONE PLEASE KEEP THE HEARTACH THESE FAMILIES ARE GOING THROUGH AND HAVE RESPECT ENOUGH TO GIVE THEM THERE TIME

    • vanessathompson January 15, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

      Praying FERVENTLY for these families, Wendy!

  8. TR January 15, 2014 at 7:46 pm #

    I’m guessing these families aren’t trolling the blogosphere reading posts on this topic. Highly unlikely they’re gonna feel “disrespected” or affected in the least by someone else expressing their experience or opinion. In fact, I’d call this “giving them their space” – whatever that overused cliche is supposed mean in this particular situation.

    Good article. I graduated from there so I know of what you speak from firsthand observation.

  9. Stacey January 15, 2014 at 8:17 pm #

    thank-you for this post! As a mother of a 16 year old boy (and he is just that a boy) and 2 younger boys I so appreciate your perspective as well as Susan’s above. Kids need to focus on God and what God wants to do in and through them. We have asked our boys to not date until they are ready to get married. Most kids are not ready or not even thinking about marriage in high school or younger. We encourage them to make friends and be friends with the females but respectfully. I am praying for these families during this tragic time. I can not even imagine. But I do know that God can do something amazing with this tragedy. A life may be saved or even more than one.

  10. Casey January 16, 2014 at 12:48 am #

    A great blog!!! I am truly thankful EVERYDAY that my daughter of 16 has not found herself in a relationship at all!! I could never watch her put herself out there for someone at such a young and vulnerable age. I know we can’t protect them all the time or forever, but I will die trying. It’s sad that things like this happen. Really heartbreaking. These kids need parents to be there more, interfering more! They don’t have the life experiences that we do so they need that guidance. I am in no way blaming those parents or any other parents. It’s just the way I feel. To those who have lost kids like this I’m truly sorry. I couldn’t ever imagine how they feel nor would I ever want to. Just saying get involved a little more and maybe that would help, if not all of these tragic deaths, even one untimely death would be worth it.

  11. Christy January 16, 2014 at 12:58 am #

    This is probably one of the smartest things I have ever read on the internet….it makes so much sense and hits home for so many of us…teenage years are very hard and scary as a parent!!!

  12. lisa January 16, 2014 at 2:16 am #

    Vanessa, your comment was absolutely right on time…I admire you greatly for the courage to share your past. I Know your Mom would be so proud of you. AND to share this at this time, I know your intensions were good. And if it helped just one young lady or one young man to stop and think about consequences then it will be worth it. THANK YOU personally for sharing this with the world. God is so good and I give him praise for being able to change someone’s life. All we have to do is trust in him, he’s our best friend, the one who gave us life, and he is able and willing to help us all in any situation, if my people who are called by my name will humble themsleves and seek my face..Lord.. give these families peace , wrap your arms around them. I trust they will turn to you for comfort , in your name I Ask, Amen. Thanks again vanessa, no matter what,I know your heart was in the right place on this. LOVE YA **Lisa

  13. Almelia Kay Fitzgerald January 16, 2014 at 2:22 am #

    My thought’s & prayers go out to both family’s.

  14. joseph hackett January 16, 2014 at 3:01 am #

    yes as I have stated earlier… it is very thought provoking… but when you start talkn about oh these kids should have been this that or what not… etc etc etc… You are also without actually saying the parents failed or implying the same… period.you begin to question things with these kids and their lives… you are also questioning the parents decision for how they reared the child… The other point is this… EVERYONE wants to get on the band wagon of OH WE NEED TO HAVE THIS DISCUSSION with our children so that this does not happen again. Where was this discussion 4 weeks ago, 3 months ago, 6 months ago…the point is this… you don’t want to bring up these type of tough topics until after a tragedy such as this… and then people want to word things in such a way of political correctness which can be spun into this very thing… so that the AUTHOR may claim OH i was only saying… I was not blaming… I was not implying… SORRY BUT BULL****…the point of the point of the original post was to promote an agenda at the expense of another while at the same time spin things in politically correct terms and attempts to assassinate the parents. Only to be able to say, look at all the good by their testimony… you talk about your experiences… ok… where was your testimony before all this happened??Maybe if you gave your testimony prior to this… maybe those young lives would have read it prior to their tragic situation…so now you hurt for the children and the families??? so you want to make yourself feel better… with a post like this which I am sorry has strong undertones of blame toward the parents… You say I don’t see the logic of the post.. I don’t see the good in this post?? I say you are wrong, I said in the first response… it is thought provoking and the topic does need to be discussed but it is poorly timed and due to the undertones of blame I find disrespectful to the families. I make no apologies for my first comments and I make none now. Vanassa you say you understand because you ALMOST lost a child…I will not even begin to dignify that comment of a comparison of almost losing a child to the actual lose of a child but it only goes further to substantiate the part of this post… with the fact, you are hurting as we all are and you are wanting to stop the pain and rightfully so (we all want the pain to stop) but in your effort of trying to stop your pain… your post inflects more pain on others by your UNDERTONE AND IMPLICATIONS OF BLAME. yes, you did not say it but the true message rings out loud and clear. Yes, the one of the family members did read these post and that is the message they took away from it. BLAME… take for what it is worth and I have been asked by the family to confront this and those that are… again, let us lift this family up in prayer… i ask you to come to the church tonight.. the bridge church in Princeton… pastor is going to be preaching on this subject… I gave a description of the types of post the family would like to hear and see… I know we can not stop everything but i will do what i can for this family.

    • vanessathompson January 16, 2014 at 2:55 pm #

      I’m sorry that you can’t understand my heart or the echo of this entry. I won’t keep explaining myself. 8,000 people have viewed this one post! There are too many people getting a revelation for me to keep explaining or apologizing for a tone or wordage that one or two people have misinterpreted. For my offense toward you or the families, I ask forgiveness. I don’t need to travel out of town to hear a pastor speak. I go directly to my Lord with my questions and confusions.

    • Janis January 16, 2014 at 3:35 pm #

      My first thought when I heard the story was to blame the parents. They should have done this or that. But now is not the time for anyone to lay judgment or blame on those poor families. With that being said, I didn’t read any judgement or blame into this blog piece. Josephy, quite frankly, I think you are misconstrueing what was posted. Praying for all those involved.

    • lj January 16, 2014 at 4:59 pm #

      Agreed Joseph. I found this a disturbing post also. There is not a soul on this earth that knows what was in the minds of either of these young people during their last moments that would cause them to make the choice they made. To use this tragedy, even to put forth your own past problems and insight for those that follow in the writer’s footsteps is insensitive at this time. We should make sure that our young ones know we love them and there is never anything that God can’t handle. The family members are most definitely in my prayers.

      • vanessathompson January 16, 2014 at 5:38 pm #

        I never stated that I knew the operation of either kids’ minds at any point. I only gave my experiences.
        While I agree on the “at this time” in relation to the families, would 15,000 thousand people have read this 6 months from now? It’s likely not. & unfortunately, there are much more complicated issues to parenting than simply letting our kids know we love them.
        I have wept in prayer over these families for 2 days.

    • Ashley Sue January 17, 2014 at 3:54 am #

      Vanessa, I left an earlier comment, sharing my experience in relation to yours, and thanking you for this post.

      To that, I want to add, for everyone getting worked up and blaming her of being hurtful, malicious, self-serving, and accusatory, I ask you – I challenge you as a Christian – to take the plank out of your eye before judging her speck. I challenge you to ask God deeply to show you if YOU are being wrongly defensive of an article that may not be what you jumped to believing it was. Just ask to be shown how you might be wrong, if you are. If you are not willing to consider you are wrong, and that the author is NOT blaming the parents and trying to cover it up in bs politically correct wording, then you have your own answer right there as to whom is really being judgmental, and it’s not the author.

      That said, the tragedy – and it is, an unfathomable, horrible, horrific tragedy – brought for something she wishes for teens, likely a musing she’s had for a long time. Just like it is a musing I have had for a long, long time – and again (as my original post explains), I had a beautiful relationship not laden with codependence when I was young, and I STILL completely get and agree with what she’s saying. My husband and I both do, and have talked about it many many times in regard to raising our own children, long before this tragedy occurred.

      Also, parents know that while you can share your experiences and hopes (and these hopes are not more right than other hopes by parents – parents canNOT do it all, canNOT teach it all, and canNOT control much of it at all, really), these children will find their own paths, and they WILL experience hurt as a part of their growth, even if it hurts us to see them hurt.

      Again, the author was expressing a view on coming of age, not in judgment of these precious children whom have lost their lives and not in judgment of the precious parents of these children, but in retrospect as someone who has come of age and is reminded of what her 20/20 hindsight would have been by this terrible tragedy.

      Keep writing truths, Dear, and know that when emotions are plucked, you are actually making a difference. You are making people think, and sometimes, you are making them question their own feelings, and that is always raw for us, but as a writer, you are clearly serving us all.

      I thank you, and I continue to pray for you, for the families involved, for these children, for us, for our children… for truth, and for love.

  15. robinhood21067 January 16, 2014 at 3:07 am #

    Awesome post…I wished teenagers and a lot of adults for that matter would think about the consequences their actions will have not just on themselves but on those around them who love them so much..

  16. Joseph Hackett January 16, 2014 at 4:08 am #

    I see my comment to your reply to your comment was not posted? I guess we only listen to the comments which are compliant to our own way of thinking no matter if they are sensitive to other or not

    • vanessathompson January 16, 2014 at 2:49 pm #

      Joseph, I do not sit on the internet indefinitely. Comments have to be “approved” & I’m just returning to my blog.

  17. Meagan Parsons January 16, 2014 at 4:12 am #

    I found your blog after a friend shared it on Facebook. I was devastated when this story came through to my phone as a breaking news alert, because I too found myself in a relationship that was too serious when I was their age. My heart breaks for these families and for these children who had their entire lives ahead of them. I thank God each day that I was able to break free of that relationship and find the one truly meant for me. I pray that God grants these families and the friends of these children peace and comfort in the days to come. I also pray that more teenagers step back and focus on themselves and their futures after this terrible tragedy.

  18. joseph hackett January 16, 2014 at 4:35 pm #

    and I will not keep explaining myself…there is so much more I could say but it is not worthy the aggravation….however, as I have said earlier… your topic is a topic which needs to be talked about but the timing is so poorly done which…. never mind… good luck on your blog…

    • vanessathompson January 16, 2014 at 5:19 pm #

      I can certainly agree that the timing may be poor for those grieving. But if the blog was posted pre incident, it would have gotten NO attention. & if it were written too far post incident, it would have been too far in the back of peoples forefront to heed any attention.

    • vanessathompson January 16, 2014 at 5:41 pm #

      And Joseph, just as I am not blaming my parents for my experience, I give that same measure to these parents.

  19. dc January 17, 2014 at 12:05 am #

    Great post. God Bless both families and Joseph as well. Unfortunatley we live in a world were we don’t speak the truth. Families, Friends, Teachers, Preachers all hold our thoughts in fear of hurting feelings. A young man 13 years old killed himself at my daughters school. This is real people. We have got to start talking to our young people. If this post and their deaths save just one person/kid…. No one is judging these parents, we are all praying for them. There is no manual in parenting. It’s all trial and error. Good or Bad, no parent should have to bury their child!

  20. Stacey January 17, 2014 at 4:25 am #

    Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your past with us.

  21. Lori Weaver January 17, 2014 at 6:04 am #

    someone lost their child. this happens. rather by some disease, by someone else’s hand, or even their own, they are dead. taken from loved ones and friends. as a parent we all hold some responsibility in our minds on where ‘WE” went wrong. its called, loving your child!!!! my prayers are with them and their families. bottom line all that matters is that we talk about it and try to help each other get through it and teach our children that there are always other options than death. who cares what you read in between the lines or your disagreement’s may be, its not about you or them or her or him. its about OUR CHILDREN AND WHAT WE CAN DO TO MAKE IT NOT ANOTHER GRIEVING PARENTS NIGHTMARE….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: