The Sovereignty Of God

29 Nov

It’s been a difficult season in our little world of leukemia. We bonded with & formed a connection with 4 families from UNC. In a matter of 2 months, 2 of those families lost their children to this disease… both children were under 5 years old. Even though these children & their circumstances were different from Keely’s, I found myself somber & in constant thought about their immediate family. I couldn’t stop thinking of how I would handle it. Just as I was starting to find peace & joy again, I got news that our mentors & friends, the Rosa family, discovered their daughter had a tumor on her bladder after beating leukemia & being off of treatment for 2 years now. (a quick fact: once you receive chemo, it has a risk of actually inducing other cancers later). This one hit me hard. It reminded me that having faith is actively trusting in God every single day… even long after this particular battle. Like I tend to always do, I isolated myself for a while. I used to think this was ridiculously unhealthy, but I am starting to see that isolating myself opens doors for God to speak without the noise of faulty-minded humans with human reasoning.

I started asking God, “why have these specific people been placed in our life?… what are you trying to accomplish in me/my family through your perfect placement?”. I was leaning on the sovereignty of God purely by faith (believing in the unseen), but still catching myself trying to understand how any good can come from a child dying?! God didn’t answer that question, but I’ve learned to stop asking “why?” & start asking, “what are You trying to do through this?” I’ve learned the question that I most want the answer to, isn’t always what He wants to reveal to me, & that He knows where I need the revelation. So, like He faithfully does, He revealed the answer to my first question…

Truth is, the sovereignty of God is something I’ve always had a hard time fully grasping. I understood what it meant, but wasn’t fully trusting in it. It’s a hard thing to fully trust in when you are faced with something like a child dying. I still don’t know why those 2 children weren’t meant to be healed in this life, or why Marisa has developed a second cancer & must battle this all over again at the age of 8. What I do know is, it isn’t my family, so it would be hard for me to see what God is doing in THEM. I know my family, & I have seen & experienced what God has done & is still doing in US. My pastor once said, “suffering comes from one of three things: from the hand of God, from the enemy, or from the result of our own choices. Either way, God orchestrates it all. & there is a reason! Stop asking, “why me?” & start asking God, “where are you at & what are you trying to accomplish in me through this?” This was huge for me! Not that I am one to ask “why me?”, but I have never thought to ask, “where are you in this & what are you trying to teach me?”. Seems like I tend to figure out what He was doing once it’s all said & done. Asking this question opened a door for God to teach me in the midst this time. & all I kept hearing over & over was, “the sovereignty of God”.

This was more than just blind faith (although that’s a good thing!!)… this was eyes wide open. This was a look at what my life could have & was actually heading toward had our daughter not have been attacked. The world will NEVER get how dramatically & beautifully our family was changed. No words will ever capture! We moved from ordinary Christians… sliding backwards, to radical… a family that as a UNIT has experienced & is continuously experiencing God in a powerful & real way. & then, because God’s timing is perfect, this week’s message at Journey was about inherited faith vs. adopted faith. Inherited being passive (Your parents/pastor taught it to you, so you believe it), adopted being active (you experience personally… it’s been tested, proven, & taken root in your heart). I realized that is exactly what happened with us. God needed us to see Him & know His character PERSONALLY. That’s when you know it is in your heart & it’s so rooted that you will never fall away, never depart, never stray, & never be convinced of anything other than its absolute existance!

So as God just kept impressing His sovereignty on my heart over & over, I began looking back over the last couple of years. He’s done it before, but God began piecing every single individual circumstance to what He was doing through it. EVERY SINGLE thing that has happened (big & small) that I thought, “why?”, had a reason . If that is my history in my walk with Him so far, why on earth would I not understand, PERSONALLY, His sovereignty. He is always trying to mold my heart into His image, whatever the situation is… there is something He is trying to get me to understand or change. I’ve also learned that  His order of things I need to change/understand is not what I usually think is next on the list of things I need to change/understand … & that’s another example of His beautiful sovereignty.

Before now, I really never gave much time meditating on (or much desire to ADOPT) the issue of sovereignty. & after these last couple of months of God dealing with me on it, I almost fall to my knees in worship at the thought that He IS that perfect. Experiencing & adopting the sovereignty of God is HUGE!… it forever changes how you react to & view every single circumstance in your life, & it gives you a real heart of worship! He knew that I needed to experience & understand that. He knew that needed to be rooted in my heart next. Life without experiencing God move is no life at all. It’s the most overwhelming, amazing thing a person will ever experience.

I pray that each of you spend time asking God where He is & what He’s doing throughout every circumstance, period of suffering, questioning, confusion, etc. in your life. He will reveal His work to you & you WILL be forever changed. There is just no subsitute for experiencing God. He will change you & He will mature you where it matters most.

Blessings.

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