A Revelation

11 May
May 3, 2009
So… I had this revelation a couple of mornings ago & I had to share it with the FB world.

I’ve gotten over the guilt of Keely’s disease… asking myself what I did wrong, what did I miss, etc. However, a few nights ago, I was lying in bed, thinking a mile a minute (like all women do! arg.) & I was tracking back the last few years of Keely’s life (I’ll explain what sparked this “evaluation” in a moment). She was our first born, I’m a stay-at-home mom, so I’ve not had lots of other kids her age to compare her to. We always took her to “well baby checks” & were always told she was healthy & such a pleasant child. We’ve always excepted her personality as being a mild mannered child, a quiet child, she liked to cuddle & watch movies. She’s always had enough energy to play & yes, even fight with her little brother. Putting the pieces together, however, I realized that Keely has BEEN sick for some time now… I’m assuming somewhere in the time frame of the last year & a half. I didn’t miss any signs… she was a relatively normal child… loves church, dance class, & her brothers! I believe that she started to get sick & feel bad slowly & at a young & difficult age to understand what’s normal & what’s not. & just as you start off with a minor back ache that slowly progresses over a year or so, you learn to adjust to it & adjust your lifestyle to it. I’m pretty sure she was doing the same thing… especially since being a child, she didn’t exactly recongize these little differences in how she felt from week to week. Now for what sparked my late night “thinking” & ultimate revelation…

Keely gets 2 strong doses of chemo every single Tues & one lower dose in her spinal cord. This past Tues, she wasn’t scheduled for the vincristine & daunarubicin (the strong doses)… just the one into her spinal fluid. So she essentially kind of skipped a dose of chemo. We did have to take her into UNC on Wed for a little fever, but she got some antibiotics & they did a blood culture & she was perfectly fine! While in the hospital, she was unbelievably happy!… she felt so good, she was playing around with the nurses & seemed to have so much energy. (remember that she was just declared leukemia free about 4 days ago). Once we were dismissed from UNC & got her home Fri afternoon, she was still so happy, such a joy, saying the most spunky little things (cracking us up), high energy, feeling so wonderful! It was as if we have been given a child we never knew… like the discovery of who SHE REALLY is.

I realized at 2 in the morning, laying in bed on Fri night that this diagnosis was a blessing. It’s been a blessing to have God’s provision of chemo, & such to treat her & to be able to meet such a joyful child. She was so amazing before… so well behaved, so pleasant… but now she is KEELY! What if we would have never had the opportunity to know her, the real her. I feel blessed to hear her speak in a new way, to watch her REALLY play, to see the energy that a 4 yr should have. I know that Jesus has already healed her… I’m witnessing it right before my eyes & what a joy it is.

When she was a baby I called her “Punky” & it just stuck. As she moved into toddlerhood, we called her “Spunky Punky”… funny how we never knew how much she would actually live up to that nickname. We are participating in the “Light The Night” walk in Oct for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society & when they called to get our team name, without thinking, I said, “Spunky Punky”. The woman over the phone loved it!! God is so good! I am so thankful that the Holy Spirit empowers me to see the blessings & the good in the places that are sometimes hard to see the good. God promised to take the attacks of the enemy & turn them into good & man is He doing it!

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