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7 Apr

                                     

 

Tonight, after the munchkins were all tucked away, Brian & I were spending some quality time together in the kitchen making a homemade dessert for our neighbors (they just found out a few weeks ago that they are having their first baby, after several miscarriages. Praise God!). As we were talking about life & the things that God has been doing in our lives, we realized that God has actually been doing more than we have paid attention to lately…

I have learned more & grown more in a mere 7 months than ANY OTHER 7 month, 14 month… even 27 month period of my life! It’s almost as if I don’t even recognize myself. Praise God that I was willing to come to Christ just the way I was. I didn’t try to change myself before I came, but I knew I needed change. I used to think marriage would change me, but it didn’t… then I thought having our first child would change me, but it didn’t. My heart was hard & longing for something so much greater than what I, or anyone else, could do alone. I started coming to church regularly & setting aside DAILY  quiet times with God, no matter how busy the day… & before I was even completely aware of it… He had changed me. I’m nowhere near where I strive to be, but man!!… I’ve sure come a long way! I am in no way prideful about it (though my flesh really wants to be!), because I know that it was all the work of God & the Holy Spirit! Brian told me tonight that at first, he was so worried that he was going to have to travel this magnificent journey by himself, constantly dragging me along… now he says that he finds himself almost jealous at the way God has changed me & how open I’ve been to let Him change me. I realized the significance of what he said… “open to let Him change me”. That’s just it, I finally surrendered myself & admitted that I’ve tried, & I just can’t do it on my own. We are all born with a hole in our hearts, purposely, to seek out the only One that can fill that hole. We’ve all tried to fill it with the wrong things, & still not felt complete. I read this in one of the books I just finished reading & thought it was so gentle & true…

” God is a gentleman, not a robber baron. He will court us & pursue us, but He’ll never push Himself on us. It’s never a forced sale. “

… see… Jesus will stand outside our door & knock with infinate possibilities & blessing for our future (the greatest being eternal life of course), but it’s up to us whether we “open” the door & invite Him in. What peace to know that even though I have no idea what our future holds, I absolutely trust that God does, because we have surrendered ourselves & made a place for Him to carry out His will in our lives. My God is an amazing God!

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