Battlefield of the mind

30 Mar


I’ve always thought that life could be soooo complicated. Not necessarily tough or grueling…. just complicated. However, I’m starting to realize that it’s in my mind that the complexity lies. I’ve never been a simple-minded person. Please don’t misinterpret that statement & think that it implies a higher level of intelligence in any way. Complexity does not = intelligence.

A single thought can manifest itself in my mind & trouble me for days, weeks, & even years! Have you ever felt pulled in 2 different directions? Of course… we all have, but have you ever stepped back and realized that all of this time… it was a battle in your own mind? It was your own mind that had you pulled in both directions, & nothing else. Time after time that has been my end result, & time after time, I don’t seem to remember that fact when the next “issue” arises. I’m not a worrier, or an anxious person at all (Praise God, ’cause then I’d really be a mess!). I don’t talk about the things that consume my mind. I’m pretty private when it comes to my thoughts. From my own experience, even when you tell someone something in confidence, & even if they never tell another soul…. it changes the way they think about you. So I’ll keep my issues to myself, thanks.

I sometimes envy the simple-minded. I think that the term “simple-minded” gets a bad rap. How peaceful to just think about what you are faced with & not the, “what if’s”, or giving something too much significance, or just simply dissecting something until it’s so far off the path it originated. And if the ramped thoughts aren’t enough self-inflicted mental torture, my reactive instinct is to completely withdraw & be alone with these thoughts… & all that does is feed them. Seems as though escaping your own mind is pretty much impossible. Probably why I did so many drugs for so long… I could escape my mind, if only for a half hour.

of course a complex mind does have some advantages. I think that I see certain things on a deeper level than the less eccentric. I see art differently, I hear music differently, I read words differently, & my passion for certain things is incredible! Still… with that comes troubled waters… in my mind anyway. & that eccentricity can get me into trouble if I’m not constantly checking myself & my reaction to certain manifestations. So I’m living & learning & dealing & conquering… one thing at a time, one day at a time. That’s all we can do, right? & in the end… I always snap back into sanity.

 I’ve decided that the next book I will pull from the bookshelf is Joyce Meyer’s, “Battlefield Of The Mind”.



3 Responses to “Battlefield of the mind”

  1. lnfritzky March 31, 2008 at 2:26 am #

    what an amazing post vanessa! and that book is super amazing too, i can relate to what you are saying in this post, if even only in a fractional amount. you are an amazing woman, and yess.. we definitely do need to get the kids together! =]

  2. Lori April 3, 2008 at 5:51 pm #

    Ooohhh how I miss being around you!! Never stress your complex mind!! Rejoice and thank God for it. If not for your creative and over-working mind, we would be without your great post. You are inspiring…know that…and I am glad we have hung on as friends!! Thanks for being great. Idea…we should be accountability buddies!!!

  3. iheartkiserboston April 4, 2008 at 4:37 am #

    Where do you get all these great graphics? I have looked..with no luck.

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